Top ten ways to nail parenthood

Learn to like coffee.

Then survive on nothing but caffeine and left overs.

Master multitasking. This manifestes itself in many forms. For example: driving while trying to break up a foot fight, blow-drying your hair while attempting to put socks on your little one and making yourself a coffee and a nursery packed lunch at the same time (Do not make the mistake of spreading coffee granules on the bread as I have done many a time)

Just deal with the fact your never going to sleep again. Just buy a really good concealer and get on with zombie mode. No-one cares how tired you are so just wallow in self pity.

Learn how to open a chocolate bar making zero noise. They can hear that rustle from a mile off. They WILL surround you and hold you against your will

Become the expert of multi conversation holder. ‘Yes Harris. You can bring batman,no Ayla, you can’t wear shorts because it’s snowing and Jon can you stop f*cking about and just grab the house keys

Research cheap and cheerful ways to get stains out. I can now get more stains out than 101

Maintain high levels of enthusiasm over the minuscule of things. At all times.

Teach yourself how to drown out those annoying child sounds. Some days there will be just general moans ALL DAY or of course, ‘mom mom mom mom’

And lastly, forget about the housework. These kids will only have one childhood so enjoy it while it lasts. There will come a day when they will not want you to play. Love every minute. Plus, if your house is a shit hole, burglars will think it has already been burgled. Win win.



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