As i mentioned before, I have few friends.

The ones I was closest to during my college days are still at the ‘going out every weekend’ stage of their lives. Why wouldn’t they be? They are all in their early twenties. There is obviously nothing wrong with that because, given the chance of a new outfit and a babysitter, I’d be there in a shot (Immediately regretting it the next morning).

However, when you have kids, you realise who your true friends are. Some might already have children, some might want to hang around to see what Is in store for them. Many of mine visited me once when I came out of hospital with gifts and cards, never to be seen or heard from again.

I can count on one hand how many friends i have. One from nursery, one from high school, one I met at a playgroup and the rest are from work. Luckily the ones from school now have children the same ages as mine so we have someone to share our play dates with. Not that we have much time. They work days, I work nights and by the time the weekends roll around, we are too tired to do anything anyway.

The point I am trying to get to is this; others can give you all the advice in the world when it comes to bringing up your little ones but the one thing I have noticed the most is no-one tells you about the loneliness. True loneliness.

Every once in a while I actually knock on my neighbours door knowing they’ll offer me a cup of coffee and I can chat to them for half an hour while the children play. Desperation comes to mind.

An adult conversation about anything other than Cbeebies or company for ten minutes. For someone who knew what I felt like without them thinking I was insane. For someone to admit this was how they are feeling.

Truth is, I am never alone with my two little ones. NEVER. Showers, toilet visits, taking rubbish to the bins. They are always behind me, or pushing past to escape through the front door and down the street. So why do I feel like this? Am I the only one?

Who knows.

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