To pap tests *raises a glass*

Worrying is a horrible feeling. Worse when its about yourself, because I barely get time to eat/shit/shower, nevermind worry.

After having an abnormal smear test back in August (my birthday present from the NHS) , I had the letter to go to hospital. Three punch biopsys later and a two week wait, the dreaded letter arrived in the post. Pre-cancerous cells (CIN2) which means treatment is needed. They did not sugar coat it. However, could have been A LOT worse.

Now though, I don’t know what im more worried about. The fact I have to have more people messing around ‘up there’ or the aftermath. Everyone I have spoke to has said not to worry, ‘you’ll be fine’ but easier said than done. They are right but still. More likely its on me for over thinking as usual.


On the plus side, my friends and family have been amazing.

And after the op, Im going to milk it. Bed rest for min of two days 😉 maybe three at a push!! But then i think the husband might start clocking on. So we’ll see!!


Day 437

Of the summer holidays.

Its one of those days. Following a rough shift at work last night.

Plus im shattered because I had to catch up on Game of Thrones so watched it after work. GOT before sleep obv.

Regretting it this morning though.

The little one decided to sneak downstairs at god knows what time this morning and grab his tablet. His excuse to doing this was because he had a bad dream about a cat in the garden. Makes perfect sense.

When it came to me and the hubby getting up at half 6, his battery was almost flat. I dread to think what time he got up. But now he’s a wreck. Beyond anything humanly possible.

He’s currently crying because the dogs chewing a toy he handed to her. He’s cried because the floor was wet after i mopped it; Because he wasnt allowed an ice cream for breakfast, his juice wasn’t cold enough, his toast wasn’t burnt, theres birdpoo on the window, oh and because his sock wasn’t on properly. These are a select few of my favourites among a million other reasons.

On top of this I got scratched to death by said dog at the vets this morning, she also decided to roll around her in her own pee when i bathed her yesterday so thats always good and she peed in my car.

The only one whos being well behaved out of the three of them is my daughter. Shes only told me she hates me once this morning so thats always a win.

Anyhow, another 7 hours left of this shift till my next one at work. Thats if i make it out of this one alive


#momlife #pullingmyhairout #isit bedtimeyet #wheresthealcohol




I would firstly like to apologise for my absence.  December last year!!! Whoops

Quite scary really because it feels like last week. Definitely the lack of sleep blurring the days into one!!

Quick catchup?

I am now a business owner!!

Feel free to like and share. No matter where you are in the world.

It’s took up A LOT of my time and my husbands money 😂 It’s getting there slowly!!

I still work nights.

My children are growing up way too quickly. Ayla started school September just gone. It took a few weeks of tears (from myself) but she’s settled in wonderfully. She’s made a ton of friends which is good until she wants a birthday party. Two sterling school reports from her teachers too. She’s a little angel at school which means as soon as she walks through the front door, she turns into a demonic animal who eats people alive.

Harris started nursery too. Now there was a lot of tears from him. I actually adjusted pretty well to three hours peace a few days a week. Peace meaning coffee and Jeremy Kyle. Sad times

Proberly the biggest change of all is that we have finally brought our first house!!! In the next few weeks we’ll be moving in! So with work, my business, four school runs a day and feeding and keeping the three children (3rd is my husband of course) , I now have to pack up a whole house! 😑 Don’t like doing things by half do we!

I’ll check in a lot sooner next time. I promise


Time flies when your having fun….

At this exact moment, I’m sat in the nursery staffroom, with a (hot!) coffee while my last baby has his second settling in day. His first hour on his own.

Even though this place is huge, I can still hear him crying.

I was sat in this exact spot while Ayla had hers three, almost four years ago listening to her cry, knowing it was because she’d realised I’d left her alone with these strangers.

For some reason I can not seem to understand where this times gone.

As heartbreaking as this is, knowing that next week he’ll be here for fifteen hours a week, without me, all on his own…


I’m quite looking forward to having some of my spare time back! 😁 Just need to figure out what to do with myself. Gym, swimming, volunteer work? Maybe I could get a puppy…..img_20161225_174146_936

I swear..

…I only blinked for a second.

It seems like five minutes since we brought that tiny baby girl home from the hospital.

She’s now four

And four days away from starting school

My heart is aching. And not just from my anxiety

I dread those school gates

I am literally losing one out of two (and only) best friends I have. The other one, I get to hold on to for a few months longer.

Thank fuck




Goodbyes are hard.

Especially when you never get the chance to say it.

Ellie was nine. She was kind, caring, amusing, annoying at times and always a shoulder to cry on. Yes, she was our pet dog but we saw her as one of the family.

She got ill during the night on Saturday. Dad found her unable to walk waiting for him by the back door. Vets said she had a womb infection. So Monday morning she was booked in to be spade.  Common procedure but we really didn’t expect to lose her.

When they opened her up, she had a cancerous tumor on her spleen which had ruptured. During the operation she lost too much blood and they advised us that it might be best to put her down.

Even if she had made it, her life wouldn’t have been the same. So somehow dad made that decision.

We never got to say goodbye. Think that’s the hardest part.

Words can’t describe the huge hole that’s been left in our hearts and our home.

The other dogs pine for her.

The kids still look for her in the garden and ask if she’s better.

It will take time but we’ll never forget her.

Rest in peace Ellie



Things I never thought I’d hear myself say

Every day with toddlers is new and exciting. Now the little ones talking, the conversations are endless.

From this week alone, here are ten things I never thought I would say.

1. No, milk does not come from a stormtrooper.

2. Stop throwing bread at your sister. She’s not a duck.

3. No, it’s not morning time. You literally just got into bed.

4. Please take your pants off your head.

5. ‘Go the f*ck to sleep’ is not a bedtime story.

6. Cakes do not go in your ear

7. Dont’t put your bum in your sister face

8. Harris, teacakes are for eating. You don’t smear them across the tv screen


10. Poo goes in the toilet. Not in your hand!



Top ten ways to nail parenthood

Learn to like coffee.

Then survive on nothing but caffeine and left overs.

Master multitasking. This manifestes itself in many forms. For example: driving while trying to break up a foot fight, blow-drying your hair while attempting to put socks on your little one and making yourself a coffee and a nursery packed lunch at the same time (Do not make the mistake of spreading coffee granules on the bread as I have done many a time)

Just deal with the fact your never going to sleep again. Just buy a really good concealer and get on with zombie mode. No-one cares how tired you are so just wallow in self pity.

Learn how to open a chocolate bar making zero noise. They can hear that rustle from a mile off. They WILL surround you and hold you against your will

Become the expert of multi conversation holder. ‘Yes Harris. You can bring batman,no Ayla, you can’t wear shorts because it’s snowing and Jon can you stop f*cking about and just grab the house keys

Research cheap and cheerful ways to get stains out. I can now get more stains out than 101

Maintain high levels of enthusiasm over the minuscule of things. At all times.

Teach yourself how to drown out those annoying child sounds. Some days there will be just general moans ALL DAY or of course, ‘mom mom mom mom’

And lastly, forget about the housework. These kids will only have one childhood so enjoy it while it lasts. There will come a day when they will not want you to play. Love every minute. Plus, if your house is a shit hole, burglars will think it has already been burgled. Win win.


Wednesday afternoon

So it’s Wednesday. And I am currently child free. for at least the next hour anyway.

My mother in law has just come back from her holidays so she wanted to take the kids to the toy shop. Fine with me!

I actually have free time where i can crack on with my to do list. However…


my landlord has decided today is a good day to refit the windows.

It’s freezing cold, sat in my coat with, at the moment, three window’s missing.

So as i can’t leave the house I thought i catch up on my blog and my million emails that are still unread!


Here we go again

The only things I really do now is watching episodes of random television shows, keep my kids alive and work.

I can not remember the last time my husband and I had a date night.

I can not remember the last time I had a chat to any of my few friends about anything unchild related.

I can not even remember the last time I had a piss without an audience.

Last week I got diagnosed with anxiety. Something I did not even agree exsisted till I had a nocturnal panic attack. (not going to lie, it kind of scared the shit out of me). Wasn’t until the doctor asked me if anything stress related had occured, I took as step back and actually analysed my life.

Typical week involves me doing nursery runs, getting about five hours sleep a night, changing dirty nappies, and the usual washing/cooking/cleaning that any house wife would do. But then I have to get my uniform on and do my second job which usually does not finish till after 12am. Then it starts again.

I miss me time. So much. I know when your a mom to two under five you have to give it up. All up. But now the youngest is two, I’m struggling. I don’t have a support network like I used to have with my first child. And I certainly don’t like to admit I can’t cope.

I find myself asking my kids if mommy can have just five minutes to herself without them fighting or throwing something at each other.

I remember going through a stage like this when my daughter was about two and a half. I know it passes but a five minute break would be lovely. To be able to finish a coffee while it’s still hot.